As everyone surely knows by now, ‘Top Lists’ are the most important thing one can spend their time reading because they rid oneself of the dread of deciding for themselves. However, you may ask ‘Well, there are many top lists. Which one is the best for me?’ And the answer is, this one. Disregard any other top lists, they only exist to control your mind and turn you into zombody that cannot think for themselves.
1. Planescape: Torment
This interactive narrative novel is accompanied by beautifully rendered realistic graphics that help those with the inability to produce images in their mind. Real Choices, Real People, from Real Life whom are all extremely interesting with the use of beautiful words. Become a Slaver, or a Man, or a Man that uses a sword, or a Man that uses a magical spell. Along the way of this deeply detailed, magical, philosophical-infused adventure, one question will be haunting your mind ‘What can change the nature of a Man?’ I rate this game a 19.
2. Half Life 2
A Geek. A very brave geek kills lots of aliens and flirts with a mans daughter but doesn’t get the hot coffee, journeys through an Orwellian City ruled by a Tyrannical Sean Connory who wants nothing more than to obtain brillaint alien powers. This game is a prequel to a game called ‘Half Life’ which is the same type of game, except there isn’t a Sean Connory and everyone is made out of squares (Possibly an intricate plot-point into the powers of Aliens). Kill Aliens, and also Humans in an attempt to free other Humans that aren’t very happy with the other Humans. I rate this game a 19.
3. Fallout: New Vegas
Embark on a leisurely stroll through a post-apocalyptic shit-hole called America whilst accompanied by old-man music. Many Factions are trying to take control of this shit-hole and you must decide whom to support, or you don’t have to if you don’t want too. You can just kill everything with a fantastic selection of weapons; such as a gun, a knife, a bomb, a man, or a bigger gun. An extensive customization system allows you to be your trueself. Who you would really be if you were not you and you could reload if you made a mistake in your life. What I love about this game is its facial animations. I rate this game a 19.
4. Diablo 2
There is an Evil, it must be vanquished. Once it is vanquished then you have Won the game, but you’ll still want to play it because you want a cooler sword, or a cooler ring, or a cooler helmet. With a top-down perspective you run around as a character which there are a dozen to choose from, like Person who hits things, Person who summons things, or person who magics things and everything in-between with a fantastic selection of entertaining abilities. Such as Skeleton, Shield Attack, Lightning Attack, Bow Attack. You will find items from killing things and then you can wear them to make you stronger so you can kill stronger things to get stronger items that make you strongerer and you keep doing this until you become the strongest. I rate this game a 19.
5. Hollow Knight
Perfect. I rate this game 20.
6. Age of Empires 2
People everywhere. Some are really bad and evil and some are really good, and thankfully whatever people you choose is the good one. Build them little houses and make them go fishing or kill animals. Cut down trees, mine and forage berries to make a really good sustainable little village that is very peaceful. Then suddenly a bad man with a sharp weapon in his hand appears and kills a farmer for no apparent reason. This is unacceptable. Build yourself an Army of blood-thirsty priests and bastards and bastardpriests on horses and driving ships and carts that throw things that aren’t bad (such as rocks) but become bad when people die because of them, and set fire to everything you find until you are alone in the world. I rate this game 19.
7. Rocket League
Football is crap. This is a fact. However, a smart group of people thought to themselves. ‘It would be good if you were in Cars that could fly’. They were very right. It is very fun, until you become obsessed with how terrible you are and then you hate it and love it at the same time. Its bittersweetness is what brings people to keep playing, like eating a delicious curry that is also very hot. You can spin, jump, shoot, block, dodge and explode in a car you can fully customize. I rate this game a 15.
Ghosts are everywhere being nasty but also nasty corporation wants you dead. Thankfully you are a psychic soldier that has the ability to figure out what the bloody hell is going on on this peaceful Earth. You get lots of cool guns that feel cool to kill people with and you can jump in the air and flying kick baddies in the face. Also slow down time. Action packed Carnage at its finest with a spooky supernatural twist about an evil? girl that just wants to be peaceful. I rate this game 16.
9. Baldurs Gate 1
Dungeons and Dragons is a meeting some people partake in where they talk to each other and pretend they are not who they really are within a traditional fantasy setting. They shout things at each other such as ‘I am going down the stairs!’ and ‘I cast a spell that is very good and will kill it!’ or ‘Damnit! my lockpick has broken from my attempt to open this treasure chest within my mind!’ and my ultimate favorite ‘LIGHTENING BOLT!’ which as DND Custom dictates must be shouted louder than anything else to gain increased damage. This is the Video Game version of what I have currently described with realistic special effects. Fun Fact: This game was nearly banned as people believed that they were controlling real people in another dimension and thought it extremely unethical. I rate this game 14.
10. Resident Evil 7
A massive survival-horror series that has been around since the mid 90s has finally made a good game about killing ugly creatures made out of liquourice and controlled by Hill Billies. What is not to like about this gory, suspenseful, engaging, immersive action-packed simulator about the struggle of a people who have been forgotten by western civilization yet live right in the centre of its wealth and prosperity. Contains evil medical corporation. I rate this game a 16.
11. The Elder Scrolls: Skyrim
You are Special. You are a person born from a Dragon. You wonder to yourself ‘why?’ because it implies very nerfarious implications about your parents sexual endevours. You journey out to discover who you really are, but unfortunately you stumble upon a world called Skyrim where all of its inhabitants, even Kings, Queens and Skilled individuals are stricken with a bug making them completely inept and cannot do even the slightest menial tasks and thus you are thrust into slavery as you must complete task upon task of every kind you can imagine and you are not sure why. You also get to kill lots of things in really cool ways. This juxtaposition offers and brings forth a philosophical question that has puzzled great minds throughout our time as humans. ‘Is freedom Good?’ I rate this game 18.
12. Amnesia: Machine for Pigs
Being intelligent is important to a lot of people. Power is exciting and thrilling a feeling to behold in ones soul. However, what if this brilliance. This utter genius turns you into a mad man? A horrific abomination that indeed has thrust mankind into marvellous technological advance, but also thrown the same mankind into a horrifying nightmare. This is you in this video-game, and as you figure this out throughout the games macabre steam-punkesque environments filled with squeels and screams around each corner. True horror, is not what lurks in the darkness but the darkness itself and the dreadful stomach-turning anticipation of what could be within it. I rate this game 15.
This is part of a special series in which Taiylz imparts his dubious wisdom on the Top 100 games of all time. The next part will be available “when he feels like it” and he doesn’t seem bothered that multiples of 12 do not go into 100. You can catch him streaming some of these games over at Twitch.