26. Divinity: Original Sin 2
Many games have attempted to jump upon the colossal wagon that is the CRPG genre. Unfortunately Baldurs Gate 1 and 2 are giant meaty bastards that take up the entirety of the seats and there is no way a game like Tides of Numenara with its frail pathetic bones and its malnourished content is going to survive the trip to the Circle of Eight to receive its dousing of wizard cream. Neither is the mediocrity of Pillars of Eternity with its soggy cucumber sandwich equivalent gameplay and storyline. However, there was one… one company that said “Fuck it, we may not be able to build the magnificently carved wagon that is carrying BG 1 and 2 but we can make a go-kart to ride beside it” and that is just what they did. OS2 is a fantastic, successful attempt at carving its own throne next to the Lords of CRPGs. It’s beautifully crafted art with an elegant storyline and enough going on to prevent you dying of boredom. The dialogue alone will at least get a full playthrough out of anyone who likes something that tastes better than eating corduroys, even those folks who have little patience for the generally slow pace of CRPGs. It has everything a nerd wants with a flavour of its own that doesn’t pretend to be something it isn’t. I rate this game a 19.
27. System Shock 2
Imagine an awesome spaceship with a sophisticated, mysterious A.I that has seemingly gone rogue for unknown reasons and you are on this spaceship. You start off a useless person that is crap at everything; even killing a deceased person with a wrench. After a while of wandering the eerie, spooky halls of this spaceship, though, you get really good at it but you meet even more sinister things with sinister fingers. It is a little overwhelming to play at first being somewhat outdated in the U.I department, however it is excellently atmospheric if you are willing to lose yourself into this mysterious sci-fi adventure which is ripe with ruin, computers, cool abilities, lore, and characters. I rate this game a 19.
Imagine Oblivion but in Chernobyl with mutated bastards and Russians and not-shit A.I and not-shit areas to get lost in (Which will probably lead to your doom or at least a mild self-soiling). Now it isn’t jumpscary-scary like a crap game; it’s stomach-twisting scary like a good game (i.e. Silent Hill). It oozes an oppressive, bleak atmosphere that makes you hope for the moments you stumble upon the comforting site of a bunch of folks hanging around a campfire; one is plucking at a guitar, the others are partaking in idle chit-chat, and maybe one guy is just gazing into the horizon wondering if it could be his last day alive. It is a brutal, harsh land here in the aftermath of diabolical disaster that has twisted and gnarled the once beautiful land and its inhabitants into a treacherous zone of desperation and nightmares. Good luck Stalker! I rate this game a 19.
29. Counter Strike: Source
I don’t know why I like this game when I think about the content it offers. You start a round with army guns and you have to kill the other team who also have army guns and if you aren’t good you last 13 seconds, but if you are good you last 17 seconds. The end. However it isn’t the end because you’ll do it again and again and clock in maybe 500 hours of this content. Why? What is wrong with us? Irrelevant. What is important is how to correctly shoot an AK47 which no prior game taught you correctly. This game is easy to play and extremely difficult to master and it’s this mechanic that keeps pulling you in to play another round until the sun-rises again. You play with other people around the world too which creates the competitive and exciting ambience of hoping that maybe this round you will do awesome and shoot a man in the face. This version is the definitive experience of Counter Strike. Its previous versions are too out-dated and its modern counterpart is too money-hungry with its lootboxes and idiots. I rate this version of the game a 19.
30. Grim Dawn
You are a person who was nearly killed because you became possessed by a green ghost for some reason but upon your last breath the ghost ran away and a little of its power remained and then you start the game of the real Diablo 3, not the fake one made by SnowAndColdRain Incorporated. H.P Lovecraft has pissed all over the land and created monstrosities you must kill to save the world. More importantly, however, is to kill them so you get stronger and unlock the ability to do cool things like throw a Molotov cocktail and maybe run very fast into a horde of Lovecraft potatoes with your shield so they explode! Its extensive customization will make you put many hours into this beast. There’s also obviously cool items like a sword and a pistol or a shield and a mace or a stick and pants. The best thing to do is find really powerful pants and really powerful shoes and so on until you also look as awesome as you feel, then you have essentially defeated your vices and achieved peace… well, until you make a new character and do it all over again. I rate this game a 19.
Build a city and try and make it a good city like Newcastle, not a bad city like Near-Leicester. You can build anything that a city has like roads1 and hospitals2 and maybe trees3 too. That isn’t all you do though so don’t worry about it just yet. You also have to do taxes and miserable stuff like that but it’s quite satisfying to do when you finally see the seeds of your hardwork come to fruition and you have a thriving city full of all the necessities. This is why I think this has to be one of the best games ever of all time because it made stuff that nobody should ever like doing actually fun to do. If you do not believe me then buy this game at your local video game store or possibly go to a friend’s house to play it. I rate this game a 19.
32. Hotline Miami
A neon fever dream accompanied by bone-crunching sound effects, ’80s pixels, and a soundtrack that gives you a migraine that you like having. Hotline Miami is more than meets the eye. What you see is violence; beautiful, satisfying violence that turns the blood hot and gets the knee shaking. What’s beyond this layer of mayhem is a seedy, vague undertone that parodies the absurd notions that certain people have about those who love video games and the effects they have on our minds (which these idiots believe is negative). Of course these drones of a world they wish was made out of cement-flavored porridge are ignorant beyond any empathy and understanding and are a deterrent to a growing, progressive society. This game is a middle finger to the baffling opinions of the shit-eating, venomous bastards that are trying to ruin something great merely out of spite. I rate this game 1000.
33. Lone Survivor
Do you have a hunger for that dread that seeped into your bone-marrow when you played Silent Hill 2? This is the game for you. Do you have a thirst for an intriguing story which is playful, humorous, sad and horrifying? This is the game for you. Do you love pixel art? This is the game for you! Do you want to feel oppressed by strange nightmares in a claustrophobic frenzy of spine-tingling hallucinations? Play this video game. This indie game is a big love letter to Silent Hill 2 and this love letter has been written with care, passion, attention to detail, and a rhythm that sticks to your soul. It’s words will sink your heart. It is the closest thing you will ever feel to playing Silent Hill 2 for the first time than anything else that has attempted to do so. You are in a room in an apartment building (is it yours?). Something horrible has happened (why? what? better leave to find out). Uh oh you should probably hide now (I am hiding). Get a gun and shoot it down (it’s moving weird and making odd noises). These look like normal people oh never mind they aren’t I’m running away bye. I rate this game a 19.
18. Baldurs Gate 2
There is a man about and he loves this game very much. He is a very nice man. He has a good wit, an intelligence, and a good nature about him4. He loves video games and particularly ones that make him think and get the gears rotating. I most surely believe that he is a really good friend to those close to him. He said I had to put this in my list or scary things would happen to me. However, he should know that I am not just putting this game in this list because he said so. It definitely deserves to be here and I would call it the greatest RPG of all time but I couldn’t find anything interesting to say about it I hadn’t already said about the previous game except that it does everything that game does but has a lot more of it and is better in every way. A true sequel. So instead I thought I’d just like to take the time to thank this man for his support in the months I’ve been streaming and that I enjoy his conversation and presence. Thank you.
This is the end of my Top 100 List of PC games. You may be a little baffled and think “but Taiylz, there is only 34. 34 is not 100”5. That is true indeed you smart individual. The issue is is that there are only 34 great PC games that I believe, regardless of taste or the tickling of routine fancies, everyone can enjoy. Everyone. You may not like them but just because they don’t meet your personal preference does not mean you cannot realize the value these games have and the love that has been put into making them. These are 34 perfect examples6 of how making a game should be seen by a developer and that is through the eyes of doing something because you have a fondness and love for it. There are many more fantastic games out there to be played and appreciated, stories and characters to fall in love with, scenes and sceneries to be awed by, and interactions that makes you feel cool or elated or sad or curious. Ultimately, ‘Top X lists’ are the biggest pile of shit you could ever read. Thank you for taking the time to read mine.
This is part of a special series in which Taiylz imparts his dubious wisdom on the Top 100 games of all time. Thanks to his lack of numeracy, this series is now completed (although I wouldn’t be surprised if we get #34 at some point). You can catch him streaming some of these games over at Twitch.
Near-Leicester doesn’t have these. Everything is downhill so they just need to perfect the art of rolling at high velocity and not die. ↩
Near-Leicester only has one hospital and it’s really more of a bar / wine cellar. ↩
Near-Leicester used to have trees but they were removed and replaced by pâté fountains. ↩
Editor’s note: Are you sure? Really? No, I mean really? Seriously?! Fair enough. ↩
Editor’s note: I’m more baffled that you think counting to 33 and then adding #18 at the end when you missed it the first time round is 34 but whatevs. ↩
33 perfect examples. ↩